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Whether you’re a target of someone who is bullying you or a bystander, you’ll need a game plan.
Believe it or not, there are proven strategies for dealing with people who bully—strategies that actually work. Bullies are nothing new, and though their methods have changed over the years, their patterns are predictable. Bullies are only people who make themselves feel better by making other people feel bad.
Anti-Bullying Tactics
Bystanders have the power to stop bullying!
Unplugging the cyberbully
- Stay calm. Bullies LOVE a reaction so don't give them one.
- If you know of someone who doesn't like you, steer clear. Take yourself out of the situation.
- Don't fight back. You may get hurt or make the situation worse. Bullies want attention—fighting back only gives them what they want.
- Avoid vulnerable situations. Walk to school earlier or later in the day, or walk with brothers, sisters, neighbours or friends. Don't be alone in hallways, restrooms or empty classrooms.
- Stay within sight of teachers when you’re at school. They have the power to enforce suspension and other disciplinary measures.
- Instead of getting mad, get funny. It shows that you're not scared and can diffuse the situation.
- Think of things to say ahead of time. Develop a script, keep it short and don't say anything mean (don't be a bully yourself).
- Project confidence. Slouching, looking at the ground or your feet, and fidgeting show that you're not sure of yourself. Hold your head up and stand up straight. Bullies pick on you because they think you’re afraid.
- Don’t bring expensive stuff to school. Bullies like things they can take. It's not worth getting hurt over.
- If the bully won't stay away from you, then ignore them and walk away. It's harder for the bully to harass you if you’re not there.
- Don't be afraid to tell people you trust. Adults can help more than you think. They have resources that you don’t and the benefit of experience. If at first you don’t find a supportive adult, keep looking. You’ll eventually find one that will listen and help you.
Looking to make a bigger impact? Click here for ways to get involved in anti-bullying initiatives in your community.
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If you’re the person who is watching the bullying (the bystander) you might be afraid that it could happen to you if you step in and say something. Realize that the bully is controlling you with your own fear, and exerting power over you with that fear.
But remember: bystanders who step in and take action can usually stop bullying within 10 seconds. You need to be safe, which means that you may need to go for help instead of intervening directly, but you can make a difference.
- Bystanders are present 85% of the time when a target is threatened.
- Most kids feel uncomfortable witnessing bullying, but very few intervene.
- When peers step in, the bullying stops within ten seconds 57% of the time. (Craig and Pepler, 1997)
If you're standing around watching, you're part of the problem instead of the solution. You are exactly the audience that the bully wants. You—more than anyone else—have the power to help.
- Speak up. Tell the bully that their behaviour is unacceptable and that you won't get involved. You have an opinion too, and it matters more than you think.
- Recognize bullying. It's not just physical. It can be social, verbal and cyber as well.
- Walk away and go get help. Standing around and watching just brings attention to the bully.
- Encourage bystanders to get involved as a group. Band together and walk away. Be better than the bully thinks you are. Show them you’re not so easily entertained.
- Help the target. Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn’t you want someone to help you if you were being picked on?
- Don’t fight the bully. It's not safe, and it’ll just fuel the fire.
“Our humanity is caught up in that of all others. We are human because we belong. We are made for community, for togetherness, for family, to exist in a delicate network of interdependence…. We are sisters and brothers of one another whether we like it or not, and each one of us is a precious individual.”
(Archbishop Desmond Tutu)
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It can take a lot of time and effort to get Internet Service Providers (ISPs) and Mobile Telecommunications Service Providers to respond and deal with your complaints about being cyberbullied. Your first tactic should be to use your head. Cyberbullying is easier to prevent than it is to fix. If it’s too late for that, it might be easiest to just delete your current email accounts, cell phone/pager accounts and set up new ones.
- Never give out or share personal information, including your name, the names of friends or family, your address, phone number and school name. Personal info also includes pictures of yourself and your email address. Never tell anyone your passwords.
- Be polite to others online just as you would offline. If someone treats you rudely, don’t respond. Online bullies are just like offline ones—they WANT you to answer. Don't give them the satisfaction.
- Never send a message to others when you are angry. Wait until you’ve had time to calm down and think. Once you've sent a message, it is nearly impossible to undo the damage.
- Never open a message from someone you don’t know.
- Turn off, disconnect, unplug. Give yourself a break. You don’t have to be available 24/7.
- Don’t reply to messages from cyberbullies. Even though you may really want to. Cyberbullies want to know that they're messing with your mind.
- Do not erase or delete messages from cyberbullies. You don't have to read it, but keep it. It’s your evidence. The police and your ISP, and/or your telephone company can use these messages to help you.
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